Why Cooper Doesn't "Cry It Out"
*** First a disclaimer. I know many of you believe in "crying it out" and that's fine. To each their own. This is just why I don't parent that why, not why I think no one should.
1. I just hate to hear him cry. I always have. I've never been able to just sit in the next room while he screams his little head off. It just seems cruel to me.
2. Babies cry for a reason. Yes, even at almost 2, he cries for a reason. Sometimes it is just that he needs some attention and some cuddling, and I'm happy to oblige. But nonetheless still a reason. Yes I am aware that older babies and toddlers do figure out how to manipulate. But really I don't think Cooper should have to manipulate me to get his needs met. Even his snuggle needs.
3. Who likes to sleep all alone in a dark room? Not me. So why would I expect an almost 2 year old to?
4. Some say sleeping alone teaches independence, I would have to disagree. I think it teaches, "Mommy isn't going to listen to me so I might as well shut up and stop asking for her." Cooper knows if he needs me I'll always be there for him. No matter what the need. I think that makes him more comfortable in venturing out and exploring without me holding his hand.
5. I'm gone to school during the day and have to study most afternoons when I get home. Bedtime is our time together. Neither of us is willing to give that up.
6. My last reason is simple. It is what works for us. Every parent is different. Every baby is different. We all do what works best for us at any given time. If a decision we make stops working for our family we can revise our parenting style.
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6 comments:
1. "Yes I am aware that older babies and toddlers do figure out how to manipulate. But really I don't think Cooper should have to manipulate me to get his needs met. Even his snuggle needs."
-- true, he shouldn't have to, but at the same time, he should learn that every time he thinks he needs something doesn't mean he has to have it right that second.
2. "Who likes to sleep all alone in a dark room? Not me. So why would I expect an almost 2 year old to?"
--it's called a nightlight :P
3. " "Mommy isn't going to listen to me so I might as well shut up and stop asking for her."
--that is only the case if you let it be. there is a difference in a ''i'm so mad'' cry and a ''i need you'' cry. also, if a kid IS going to bed by themselves, they typically don't cry when you leave the room to go to bed. i think catering to a baby/toddler when they cry because they are mad at you DOES teach them to manipulate....which goes back to the point above.
4. "Neither of us is willing to give that up."
--nobody says you have to. nobody is forcing you to. it's great that you guys get that together, but like you said in 6, there may come a time when it's not gonna work anymore. for example when baby 2 arrives or when he's older and does need to learn a little independence.
good post :)
Crying over a toy or something like that is another issue entirely. Maybe a future post :)
And if it isn't a pressing need he does wait a minute or 2 if I'm busy. This refers to leaving him in a crib for 30 minutes to cry.
I was more meaning the "alone," not the "dark room." way to get technical :P
And he is very independant. "Baby do it" is his new favorite phrase. lol
Excellent post! I agree! It worked for us. I read all kinds of books and information on sleeping, then Bug came and I just put them all down and realized he is his own person. I was able to take bits and pieces from different "ideas" and use what works for us. I have a happy baby who by no means is spoiled! Except maybe spoiled with love. He is happy, sleeps through the night on his own and I have learned what his cries mean, when he needs me now and when he can fuss a little bit and wait. Like you said, if it ever stops working then we can re-visit what we are doing and change it up as needed, we aren't stuck in one set way. Bottom line, each child is different and so is each family and what works for one does not always work for another!
actually responding to a baby/toddler does the complete opposite of "coddling/spoiling/manipulating"; it teaches they will be responded to and their needs met without having to shout at the top of their frustrated (or scared) little lungs. research has proven that responding to a child in this manner makes them more independent as they mature, which is common sense, because they are going to grow up confident and secure. besides, all crying it out does is cause them to continue crying!!
i HATE the argument "crying it out isn't going to hurt them" because it simply is not true. seeing the eating/digestive, weight gain, and emotional problems many of these babies present drives that point home pretty clearly. it is not healthy for a small child to have so much cortisol in their system.
to the person above me, letting a child ''cry it out'' every night, i would have to agree. but i can say from personal experience that if you (a parent or caretaker) genuinely NEED to do something without a toddler standing right next to you, whatever it may be, i don't think it will hurt a kid to cry for a few minutes.
and keshia, would you know me any better if i wasn't technical? :)
i just wanna point out that Grouchy G - and all of J and T's kids for that matter - have experienced the ''cry it out'' method in one form or another. obviously if it got to the point where they couldn't calm down someone would go rock them a few more minutes or read a book -- but they all turned out fine. like you said, every kid is different. but i don't think it made them ''unhealthy'' as QueenBee said to have gone through the cry it out method. maybe that's not the case for her kids, but that doesn't mean it doesn't work for some kids. just saying.
I guess I have reached the point where I realize these small issues do not really matter. Cry it out or hold then all night....it's your child. Honestly I do not think it will amount to a hill or beans in 10 years or 1 year for that matter. (sorry queen bee).
I was very wrapped up in this sort of thing in the early months of Happy Baby's life. With another one on the way I really am not concerned. If this one sleeps on his own great, if he needs more snuggling great, he will get it.
I just hate to see mommies get so wrapped up in the nit picky things. Relax, it will be ok....there are so many children that do not get love it is just becoming more apparent that the little issues are just not that important.
not meant to say its wrong to discuss them, but i think it is wrong to point fingers and place judgment on one method being better or worse than another.
honestly i think doing your research, reading blogs, talking to mommies...shows that we are all good moms with the best intentions for our kids. lets just not get too wrapped up in it.
i also think most of us only have one baby....i am pretty sure the rules will change with each child so i am hesitant to say what i "wont do" or what will "spoil or ruin" a child
oh and as for me....
(NOT trying to get into a religious discussion)
I feel no matter how much research I do, how much I teach my child, feed them this or that, etc. ultimiately my child's care is in the hands of God. Their health, mentally and physically, their wellbeing...everything....I have to trust him for guidance and to correct when I mess it up. Ultimately that guidance has to be far more valuable than any book or mom blog....if we are believers.
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