The Birth of Emma Marie

I have a lot of regrets regarding Cooper's birth. Mainly the interventions I allowed that ultimately led to an emergency c-section. With Emma, I wanted to do things differently. I wanted as few interventions as possible, and I wanted to have a drug-free VBAC. Things didn't exactly turn out how I had planned.

Sunday, October 16th I woke up having contractions. No big deal. I had been having (& whining about) them for weeks. Cooper and I went to lunch with my parents, and the contractions continued. We then went to Walmart to get some groceries. After walking around Walmart for 30 minutes I was pretty sure I was in labor. I called home to wake up Jerry (who works 3rd shift) & let him know he probably wouldn't be working that night. We took a walk when I got home, and the contractions continued. I timed them & they were about 4 minutes apart but not particularly painful. Jerry wanted to go to he hospital (an hour away). I knew it was too early but agreed to call my doctor & let her know what was going on. She wanted me to come in. I didn't want to but I figured I would just get sent home anyway so we left for the hospital. At this time I'm still not in much pain.

We got to the hospital about 8 PM. I get put on monitors, and my contractions are now 2-3 minutes apart. And then they checked me. 1.5 centimeters. Yep, that's right. ONLY 1.5 with contractions 2-3 minutes apart. I was not happy but figured oh well, they will watch me for an hour and send me home. I'm hungry anyway. At the end of that hour I was 3 cm. They decided to keep me. No food for me I guess. While my doctor was checking me she thought she felt something below baby's head. She thought it was the cord. Cooper's c-section was caused by a prolapsed cord (every time I mentioned this to a nurse her eyes grew to 3x their normal size). I was terrified. But she concluded, after feeling more (this hurt. a lot.) that it was her hand.



Laboring on the birth ball



We got moved to a room and settled in. (and then we moved rooms but that's not important) In my new room my nurse had a birth ball waiting for me per my request. My contractions were getting more intense at this point but still very manageable as long as I didn't lay down in bed. I had asked for the mobile monitors so I could walk but by the time they were hooked up I was too tired for walking. I sat on my birth ball and was quite content there for most of my labor. Baby was very high so I was trying to bring her down.

Fast forward to the next morning. My doctor comes to check on me. She checks me and I'm progressing, just slowly (I think I was like 6 cm) but baby was still very high. I had been on Spinning Babies trying everything I could to bring her down. She just wasn't moving. So I keep laboring, but we were worried about baby's size and if she was going to fit. My doctor comes back around 11 AM. The baby is HIGHER than the night before. We are all a little irritated with Emma. We talk about it and decide we have 2 options: go ahead and do a c-section or try a little pitocin to see if she will come down. I was very against pitocin because it increases the risk of uterine rupture. The doctor left and let Jerry and I discuss our options. We decided to try the pitocin (slowly) to give us the best possible chance at a vaginal birth.



Kissing Cooper right before surgery



With the pitocin my contractions definitely got stronger. They were a little painful now but I felt like I was dealing well. I sat on my birth ball and groaned through them. If I tried to be quiet the contractions were much more painful. I didn't need any of the tennis balls, rice socks, or massagers I had brought. My doctor came back when we reached the highest we were willing to go with the pitocin. She checked me. 8 cm and baby was just as high and her hand was on top of her head. A c-section was going to happen. I was very upset. She did check me again in the OR just to make sure there was no change. There wasn't. I was prepped for surgery. Including a horrendous spinal block that had me crying for my husband. After I was numb and draped, they finally let him in.  Then the surgery started. This is where things get a little fuzzy in places. Some things I remember vividly and some things not so much. I remember some pulling and tugging. I was terrified of how I would feel about that prior to the surgery (I didn't feel anything with Cooper) but it really didn't bother me. I knew it was just my doctor bringing my baby to me. Then I heard "Oh my goodness this baby is huge Keshia!" (from my doctor). More pulling and tugging then she asks if we want a picture of her coming out (I did but was unsure if my squeamish husband could do it without passing out.) I remember asking why she wasn't crying. (It was because only her head was out) Then the rest of her came out and I heard her sweet cry! All I could say was "she's here! she's here!" Poor Jerry had to sit down a minute after taking my birth pictures for me before he could go to the baby.



Cooper holding his baby sister for the first time



He was making sure she latched right ;)

Then the doctor told me what would make me think about my second c-section in a completely different way. She said "I had to move her hand and the cord out from in front of your cervix." That's right. We were well on our way to another prolapsed cord. If my water had broken, Emma would have been in the same serious situation Cooper had been. I am so, so thankful we decided to have the c-section when we did. I wanted my VBAC so badly, but I wanted my little girl to be safe so much more. And she is. All 9 pounds 3 ounces and 21 inches of her!

Emma Marie
October 17, 2011  12:57 PM
9 lbs 3 oz  21 inches long

Endless Labor

Yes, I am still pregnant. And, no, I am not happy about it. If one more person tells me I need to be patient I will scream. I am tired, and this is getting old.

I had an appointment with my OB Wednesday. I was 1cm dilated. That is better than the 0 that I was last week so I was a little encouraged. A couple hours after my appointment, I started having contractions. These contractions steadily got stronger and closer through the day, much different than my usual contractions. Usually they start at 6pm in the evenings, stay all night, and then space back out around sunrise. So having consistent contractions through the day got my hopes up. Thursday morning came and the contractions were exactly the same. Thay have stayed exactly the same since. Yep, that's 4 days (and nights) of contractions 10 minutes apart. With no baby to show for it. I'm incredibly annoyed. Also? Today is my due date. I know its not an expiration date and yada yada yada but combined with the endless labor its salt in my wounds. Yes I'm whining. But its my blog and I can whine if I want to. If you would like to see more whining, feel free to check out my Twitter feed. There's plenty of whining going on over there. Especially since its seems like EVERYONE in my Twitterverse has given either birth or congratulated someone else who has this week.  Ok, end rant. I'm off to contract and try to get some rest.

The Waiting (& Whining) Game

I am now 38.5 weeks pregnant with baby Emma. She's turning out to be quite the little booger. First she decided at 26 weeks to try to come. Thankfuly she didn't, but I've had contractions ever since, which makes for a very uncomfortable 12.5 weeks. Then yesterday morning she stopped moving at a time when she is usually very active. After 2 glasses of very sweet tea and half a can of Dr. Pepper (which I hate), still no movement. So off to the hospital (an hour away) we go to check on her. She had a few tiny pokes on the way there, but it was still very unlike her and needed to hear her heartbeat. As soon as they put her on the monitors she started kicking like crazy. She hates those monitors so that didn't surprise me. Her heartbeat was "perfect and reactive" and they said she looked great. The OB on call, who I happen to love, said the same thing had happened to her, so I felt better. Still, I didn't feel too bad about it. Better safe than sorry.

And now the whining: My contractions have been playing with my emotions all week. I've been sure I was going into labor atleast 3 times this week, and then they fizzle out. Since I never expected to make it to 36 weeks, I now feel 2 weeks overdue. That makes those episodes of fake labor even more frustrating. I'm so so ready to not be pregnant anymore. So now I wait for Emma to get ready, and hope that its soon! :)

I'm so excited for birth this time. And not just because I want her out. I'm prepared. I WANT natural childbirth (yes, I'm VBACing since Cooper was a c-section). With Cooper I just expected to get an epidural as soon as possible. I never even considered going naturally. I can't wait to hold her and nurse her. Cooper is just as excited as I am to get her out. He literally begs me almost daily to "let her out." Oh, how I wish I could son.

Big Milestone for Baby Emma

Today Emma hit 35 weeks gestation. If she was born today, the chances she could breathe all on her own are very good. There was a time when I didn't know if we would make it to 30 weeks so I'm pretty excited about 35. I've still got some things to do and buy before her arrival. I'd like her to wait atleast a couple more weeks, but thinking about her coming now is a lot less scary than it was at 26 weeks, when she was just barely viable.

I only have one more progesterone shot and I'm pretty excited about that. The medicine is very thick which means a big needle. The shot doesn't bother me too much though; its the 3 days of soreness and 5-6 days of itching that gets to me. But if they are the reason Emma has stayed put, then I am thankful for the soreness and itching. I still have contractions almost constantly. Most of the time they stay pretty irregular, but there are times they get pretty close and regular. The closest they have gotten was 2-3 minutes apart and they stayed that way for a couple hours. I went to the L&D floor to get everything checked out and stop them if needed, but not long after we got there they slowed down to the irregular ones I had been having for 2 months. Some of them can be quite painful, but most are only slightly uncomfortable. Its like being in very early labor for 2.5 months. I believe active labor will be a nice change when it arrives.

Then there is the issue of knowing when it is real labor and not these that I've been having. Usually the rule is when they get to 3-5 minutes and stay that way for an hour you go to the hospital. Well, been there, done that and more and it wasn't labor. It will be interesting to see how that plays out since we live over an hour from the hospital. Hopefully I don't ignore them for too long thinking its nothing.

I have an ultrasound scheduled for next Friday to check size and position. Maybe I will remember to post those pictures!

Wordless Wednesday: 33.5 Weeks Pregnant

Baby Be Blessed

Until about a year ago I had never heard of Baby Be Blessed, but I quickly fell in love with their dolls. They are hand-sewn, personalized, and each features a "scripture patch" on its belly. Every Friday (including this Friday) they do what they call "Yay...Free Friday!" They have a giveaway on their blog for one of thier awesome dolls! This is how I got a doll for Cooper. I won one!

A couple weeks ago they posted a code on Facebook for a discount. And I knew I needed to order Emma's doll soon if it was going to be here in time for her impending arrival. The plan is for Cooper to bring it to her at the hospital when he meets her. I'd like to share with you the verse we chose for Emma's doll. It seemed very appropriate for her.

"O Lord, You alone are my hope. I've trusted You, O Lord from childhood. Yes,
You have been with me from birth; from my mother's womb You have cared for me.
No wonder I am always praising You! My life is an example to many, because You
have been my strength and protection. That is why I can never stop praising You;
I declare Your glory all day long." -Psalm 71:5-8

Baby Emma: An Update

I had an appointment with my OB yesterday, to check my cervical length and do another fetal fibronection (fFN). She did the swab and asked about my contractions, all the while wearing the same worried look she had had ever since all this started almost 3 weeks ago. My contractions come and go, but for the past 2 days or so they have been increasingly painful, and I feel like I'm having a small panic attack during them (even the ones that don't hurt). I just can't breathe. With some of the smaller ones this is what alerts me to the fact I'm having one. Not long after the contraction is over the feeling goes away and I can breathe again. Still, its not a pleasant feeling. I mentioned this to her, and she said it was not unheard of and not something I should worry about. Whew, one less thing to worry about!

After I had my lovely shot, we proceeded to the ultrasound room. A cervical length measurement is taken best by vaginal ultrasound. Thankfully, this doesn't take long. While she was taking my cervical length she mentioned "oh, her head is right there." I immediately perked up and said "huh?? her head?? Are you sure?!" She said yes she thought was her head. Then we switched to the regular ultrasound to take quick a look at baby. Sure enough, Emma had finally gotten her head down where its supposed to be! She's not breech anymore!! I would have done a happy dance if I knew it would cause more contractions! After fighting with a very wiggly baby to get what she needed to see, the ultrasound was over and we went to my doctors office to wait to talk about the findings with her.

She came into the room reading my chart. I saw the worried look melt off her face when she read the ultrasound results. My cervix was 3.9 cm!! That is awesome! She even gave me a high five. She said she was "very reassured" and I could tell she was. Pending my fFN results which should be in sometime today, everything is stable right now. She also stated she was really doubtful that the fFN would be positive with my cervix looking this good.

Before I started taking the progesterone shots my contractions were shortening my cervix. Since I've been on the shot, yes I am still having contractions, but they don't seem to be affecting my cervix! I think that a positive result! So now I just keep taking the shots, and we monitor my cervical length and fFN. Its a waiting game, but atleast its looking a lot more positive now!

My Daughter is Making Me a Liar

In case you haven't noticed, I kind of suck at updating the blog in a timely manner. So again, if you want more timely updates, you can check my Twitter. A link is over there >>

Moving on, I went to the doctor last Monday, and she did a repeat cervical length by ultrasound. It was 4.6 and the funneling (where it was trying to open) was gone. This is a good thing!! However, I kept having the contractions off and on. Since I was still having contractions and my cervix is changing so much, my doctor and I decided it would be best if I start taking progesterone shots once a week. This is to help prevent preterm labor. I recieved the first one in the office on Tuesday and I go back this Tuesday for the second. I am going to try to give them to myself at home so I don't have to drive the hour to my doctor's office every week, but we will see how that goes. I'm not a fan of self-inflicted pain.

Wednesday night the contractions got a little to close for comfort so I decided to go to the hospital, just to make sure. And of course they stopped right after we got there. Emma looked good on the monitor, despite hating them and trying to kick them off the entire time. My cervix was closed, so they sent me home.

Last night (Saturday night) the contractions got very close, and very painful. They were 3-5 minutes apart and I was terrified. After attempting to make them go away by hydrating, I called the nurse on call and was told to go to the hospital right then. So we left. It takes an hour to get there. About half way there I noticed the contractions had slowed down significantly and they weren't near as painful. I called the nurse back and she said to still go. So we did. Once we got there we had to wait for them to get a room ready. While we were waiting, they stopped completely. So once again, after making sure Emma was looking ok, I was sent home.

This is a very frustrating waiting game. The contractions come and go, mostly coming at night. Most of the time they don't really hurt and stay atleast 10 minutes apart. I am hoping for no more trips to the hospital. We will see if she cooperates. The good news is the contractions are stopping on their own with no drugs. This is a good sign. I'm still a little annoyed that they only stop after we go to the hospital. That is going to get very expensive very fast. But I'd rather go and they go away than not go and it be real preterm labor. So, the short story is, now we wait. But, for now, things are pretty stable.

Emma is Being Difficult

This pregnancy is proving to be all around more difficult that Cooper's. Not only does she not cooperate during ultrasounds, now she's trying to scare Mommy to death too.

Thursday night I started having contractions. This went on for about 2 hours when I finally decided it was time to go to the hospital. (I talked to the nurse on call after it had been going on for an hour and she told me a few more things to try and stop them before I went.) About halfway to the hospital, they stopped. So I came home. So sense paying an ER visit for no reason. But I did call my doctor the next day to see if she wanted to see me, and she did.

Friday afternoon I went to the OB's office. She said asked about the frequency of the contractions and movement of the baby (No problems with movement. She's a wiggle worm like her brother, although not quite as much). Then she said that there were 2 tests she'd like to do that would give us a better idea of what's happening, measure my cervical length on ultrasound and do a fetal fibronectin test (from here on out referred to as fFN). My cervical length ended up being shorter than they'd like. It was 2.8 cm when they'd like it to be over 3 cm. Because of this she put me on modified bedrest over the weekend. The fFN test took a little while to get the results. But I was having contractions Friday night and had to call the nurse on call. She had the report and told me it had been negative (a good sign). We also saw during the ultrasound that Emma is still breech. That means if I do have to deliver, it will be a c-section unless she decides to flip.

So for now I am still on bedrest. I've been having contractions off and on all weekend, but nothing bad. They've stayed pretty far apart and are very mild. I go back to the doctor next week to check my cervical length again and that will probably decide what comes next. If you want more frequent updates (or want to hear how bored I am) you can follow me on Twitter. I'll try not to whine too much ;)

And Baby Number 2 is....

...a baby GIRL!!

And this baby girl is a very uncooperative little girl already! She let us see that she is a girl, but wouldn't be still long enough to actually get the picture of her lady parts. Maybe this is a good thing though.... ;)

She also wouldn't let us get any of the cute profile shots. Only these creepy, alien-baby face shots. She sure is a cute little alien though!

But since she was so uncooperative, we get to go back in a few weeks for another ultrasound! The sonographer got all the pictures she needed expect some of her mouth and nose (to check for cleft lip and palate). So we go back in a few weeks to check that. And we get to see her again. Maybe this baby girl is smarter than I thought! :)

So the News is Out

We've made the big announcement. I'm pregnant! 6 weeks pregnant in fact. I've known for a couple weeks and went to the doctor for a blood test Thursday before last on the 10th. However, my doctor said my hCG was low because I was so early and she wanted me to retest in a week. So I went back the next Thursday, the 17th. I was scared, but I waited the week and went back. I knew the hCG should double every 2-3 days so as long as it had double twice in that 7 days I was comfortable making the announcement. It was 94 on the 10th. When I got back my levels from the 17th my hCG was almost 3000!! It doubled almost 5 times in 7 day!! So now everyone has it in my head that its twins. I'm trying not to freak out, because I don;t go back to the doctor for an ultrasound to see until the middle of March. That's a long time to freak out :)
As you probably know, hCG is not the only pregnancy hormone. Among the others is progesterone. Mine is a little on the low side so I'm having to take a supplement. But I know several people that have had to supplement and have had healthy pregnancies so I'm not too worried about it. Its not ideal, of course, but as long as I get a healthy baby in the end, that's fine.
I also have some other news that isn't as great. I had to drop my nursing class. I just can't do clinicals when I'm puking my guts out. So I dropped it. I hope to pick it up next spring and finish in 2013. I have a back up plan in the mean time that I will blog about later!
Big brother Cooper is very excited! He insists that he is having a little sister and too tell you the truth I hope he's right! Of course, I had be happy with either a boy or a girl, but it would be nice to have one of each!

Cooper has a Secret...

Cooper isn't great at keeping secrets, kinda like his mommy...

Can you guess what his secret is??

Don't worry; I won't make you wait...

That's right! Cooper is going to be a big brother! I'm pregnant with Baby #2!!!

The Anti-Attachment Parent

It is no secret I am in love with attachment parenting. I have breastfed Cooper for 16 months (almost) and counting. He sleeps with me every night and has since we came home from the hospital. I love baby-wearing, but Cooper has outgrown both of the baby-wearing devices I have. (I'm in the process of aquiring new one, hopefully soon!) I would LOVE to cloth diaper, but finances prevent it right now. I was not raised with attachment parents. I was not breastfed, slept in my own bed for the most part, was not worn, and wore a cloth diaper only when I had diaper rash. There is nothing wrong with that. Its just not how I've chosen to parent. I have no idea what led me to parenting this way. It certainly wasn't my husband.

My husband, while mostly supportive of the parenting choices I make, can only be described the anti-attachment parent. He was supportive of my decision to breastfeed, but his exact words were "They are your boobs; that is your decision." He would have been just as happy if I had chosen to use formula. He did sleep with his parents for a very short time as an infant, but he still would be very happy if Cooper slept in his own bed now. (For very obvious reasons that I shouldn't have to spell out for you) He could care less about baby-wearing. He did use the sling a grand total of one time when Cooper was about 3 weeks old. Since then he has been perfectly happy to push a stroller. He flat out said no to cloth diapering when I mentioned it a few months ago. I didn't push it because the finances are not there, but when the time comes to plan for Baby #2, I will get my research together and push it.

One big thing we do not agree on is spanking. I do not want our children spanked. For many reasons, but a few of them: (1) Teaching a child not to hit by hitting them is just plain stupid, (2) Parents shouldn't hurt their children, and (3) I don't think it is effective punishment. I was spanked and so was Jerry. Yet, we both have very different views about this form of punishment. He thinks it is the only way to make a child mind. I know this isn't true, but, besides time-out, I can't think of anything else. Time-out just isn't very effective at this age. But I refuse to spank or let Cooper be spanked by anyone else. I don't want Cooper to be one of those kids no one wants to be around. (You probably have a few in mind as you read this.) But I'm not sure what else to try. Any ideas??

Baby #2

No I am not pregnant! But recently I have decided I want to have another baby.

The last couple months of my pregnancy and the first few months after Cooper was born, I said he would be my only baby. I was happy with him and that was all I wanted. (Plus I was more than miserable). My husband on the other hand says he wants to have 11 boys (enough for a football team) and however many "cheerleaders" we have to have to get 11 boys. I hope he is joking, but I doubt it. We will NOT be having this many children! I'm not sure exactly how many I want but definitely not that many!

The past few weeks I have really been wanting to add on to our family. Jerry was ready to start TTC again 6 weeks after Cooper was born! NO!! I will be starting college this month to get my RN. If I get pregnant anytime soon I will go to school during the pregnancy, but as soon as the baby was born I would not go back. I want to be in a better place financially before we bring another life into this world. I want to atleast finish my RN and start working towards my IBCLC. So for now baby #2 will have to wait!