My First Baby

Cooper is the first child I gave birth to but Jerry and I had another baby. In September of 2007 I found out I was pregnant. That week I went to my OB and she confirmed it. We saw the baby on the ultra sound and they said everything looked great. We couldn't see a heartbeat yet but I wasn't even 6 weeks so that was normal. I was walking on air I was so happy. We had told everyone we were expecting. The next monday Jerry was starting a new job and we were excited. On Monday, October 1st, 2007, I woke up to get ready for school. I discovered I was bleeding. I immediately called my OB and she said to come right in. Since it was his first day at a new job I didn't ask him to come to the doctor with me. They took blood and did an ultra sound. I was 6 1/2 weeks and they still couldn't find a heartbeat but they wouldn't know what was happening until the blood work came back. At 8:00 a.m. the next morning I got the call. All I heard was "miscarriage". I couldn't believe I was losing my baby. I was heartbroken. I was depressed but I hid it from everyone. I was dreading May when my baby's due date would come and go without a baby. I needed some kind of closure. I had said my goodbyes but there was no funeral or anything. No one else saw it as a death. Jerry tried to understand but he couldn't really. I blamed myself. I had let our baby die. I wanted to name it but with knowing if it was a boy or girl I didn't know how. We decided that we believed it was a boy and named him Braden Lee. That helped a little but I was still hurting. We tried grief counseling but it wasn't helping. His due date was getting closer, only a couple months away. I didn't know how I could face it. Then the week before that dreaded day I found out I was pregnant again. In January I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. Cooper didn't replace the baby we lost. A piece of my heart will always belong to Braden. But Cooper made it hurt less. I could move on with my life. He healed my broken heart in way nothing else could.